Wednesday, May 26, 2004


happy: sharon's lemon sorbet
    lemon sorbet rules my world.

happier: watching fantasia win american idol
    fantasia and diana were my picks from the start, so having them be the finnal two was exciting. but YAY, i love fantasia, i can't wait to buy every cd she ever releases.

happiest: having NO MORE CREDIT CARD DEBT!
    not haivng to pay finance charges ROCKS MY FRICKIN' WORLD.

sad: my poor broken printer
    i could get my printer fixed, but i lack the tool to open it up and remove the broken piece. grr.

sadder: having to work during my youth group retreat.
    i should know better than to turn in a request for time off 1 week before i need the days off. duh, me.

saddest: the end of phish.
    phish was a big part of my college life, and even though i felt that in a way i had moved on from my crazy fandom, they are still my favorite band and i am really really sad that i'll never get to see them live again.

Friday, May 21, 2004

maybe i'm amazed

three straight days in my house and i'm going a little stir crazy.

ok, maybe not three straight days, i did leave the house on wednesday to run errands, and i ran out tonight to get some dinner. but my basic reason for staying home is to keep from spending money, and i think i did pretty well at that. i feel like i have to make up for wednesday... i went to costco and got the new Alanis and Diana Krall CD's. both are really good. my boss teased me, he said no one lieks alanis anymore, but whatever! i like her, and that's what really matters.

I was going to go out and see shrek 2 today, but i got hung up on a little project and couldn't bring myself to leave the house until i finished it. i've been mildly obsessed with Jem's cover of Maybe I'm Amazed (the Paul McCartney song). She did it just for the OC, and it wasn't 'released', per se, but i got a copy that someone ripped off the TV, with all the talking in it. whatever, there's not much talking, it'll do.

She sings it in the perfect key for me, and i just decided that i'd figure out how to play it on the piano. so i figured out (with the help of my guitar and my capo) how many steps up it was from the original version, and then banged it out on the piano. i got the chorus in about 20 minutes, no sweat. I couldn't figure out the verse to save my life, mostly becasue the chords have to be inverted to sound right, not to mention to make it easier to play. i ended up putting little stickers on the keys so i could remember what chord goes next. so now i can play the verse (with few mistakes), and the chorus is easy easy. maybe by the time the common ground talent show comes around, i'll be able to play it with no stickers and sing at the same time. that would knock everyone's socks off. ;-)

see, i didn't completely waste my day!!

Sunday, May 16, 2004

sometimes i have these, weird,

sometimes i have these, weird, unexplainable pangs of lonliness.

it's bizarre, because these little bouts of depression always happen at the strangest times. i mean, today i made plans with a friend at work (we're going to dinner and a movie, yay for girl's night out), i spoke to my mom and my grama on the phone, i had messages from two of my best friends waiting for me on my machine when i got home from work, and i talked to two more of my closest friends on IM.

but then i'm sitting at my computer and i want to cry because i feel like i am utterly alone and that no one cares about me, two things that i know are not true at all.

i'm lucky because these little moments never last much longer than a minute or two, and i never really get to the point of crying (which is good, because when i do cry, for whatever reason, i always feel worse rather than better).

i'm really just curious as to what brings this on. at first i thought it was music, but maybe not, tonight i was listening to an old save ferris cd, which is definetly not depressing music...but other than that i have no idea. maybe i'll never know, but for now i'll just consider myself lucky that i can still be objective about this depression thing.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

I'm freeeeee

i just paid off both my credit cards.


i don't have much money in my checking account now, but i'd rather have less money and no debt than lots of money and lots of debt.

so now my balances are at zero on the plastic, and i paid my mom back the 400 bucks that i owe her, and i have just barely enough to cover my bills and i'm totally happy.

plus, my best freind D is in town and we got to hang out yesterday, so we did a bit of shopping. the last few times i've gone clothes shopping i've had really bad luck, so i was expecting no less yesterday. but lo and behold! I got a tank top, a navy velour hoodie and a pair of flip flops at old navy, a pink halter tank top at the gap, and a really cute black knit top at bananna republic for $20!! i felt bad every time i wrote a check, but i haven't bought any new clothes for months.

so basically i'm trading clothes for a new printer. i bought an HP deskjet 3820 almost 2 years ago, and i broke a few days ago. i could get a new one, or i could dissasemble it, mail the broken part to england to get fixed, and live without a computer for a few weeks. since the difference in cost is about 80 bucks, i'll go with the latter.

on the Idol front, I'm gald LaToyas is gone. she is a fantastic singer, i'll give her that. she's really really good. but to be honest, i usually zipped right by her when i watched idol becasue she was BORING. it was like she was a robot in a girl's body... she sang very well, but there was no emotion, no personal investment in the songs, and that's what makes a great singer. you have to hear the emotion dripping off every note, and she was... well, not doing that.

< disclaimer > for the love of god, people, don't leave me a gazillion, poorly spelled comments about how i'm the world's worst person becasue i don't like LaToya. i don't like her! and you're not going to change my mind! so there! < /disclaimer >

Thursday, May 6, 2004

writers block

every once in a while i get big attacks of writers block.

it happened mostly in school, like the few times i just couldn't finish papers in college. i'd sit in front of my computer and... nothing.

i've been trying to finish some dramas for youth group the past few weeks, and again.... nothing. i can't come up with a decent ending.

every time i've sat down at my computer in the past month, to write e-mail or post here, and.... nothing.

it's like i can't bring myself to write anything down.

sometimes i think it's because i have nothing interesting to say. that's true in a lot of ways... i either go to work or stay home (because if i go out, i spend money, and i don't have any money). i like my new job, for the most part, so there's no real complaining about that. i no longer have the day-to-day drama of college to write about... so i feel like... when you sit down to write something, you want to be able to say more than. 'well, today i went to work, then came home and watched law and order.... again'. or 'i didn't work today, so i spent the whole day in my pajamas... again'.

i remember back in high school, i'd write e-mails to my best friend/pen pal three or four times a day. considering we went to the same school, this is pretty ridiculous. lately i've been wondering what the hell i had to say, since i saw him every day, and i dug in my hard drive until i found the files with the letters. as i read through them (and we wrote a LOT, so it took me a while), i realized soemthing important.

i used to write about my thoughts. i mean, i'd write about events, but what i thought about those events was usually the focus of the letters. i used to write about my thoughts, and somehow, that got lost and i thought that the events of my life were what mattered the most.

so on that note: after re-reading old letters to my friend from high school, i realized that i haven't talked to him in a long time. and i miss him. so right now, i'm going to go pour out all my thoughts into an e-mail and send them his way, so he can flash back to 1997.

p.s. how am i going to live 6 months without new episodes of The OC? and how am i going to live with no more new episodes of Friends?!?