today has been spent mostly

today has been spent mostly in front of the tv, watching the coverage of today's terrorist attacks. at one time i flipped through all the channels i get, and something like 33 of them had news coverage. at points i really just wanted to turn it off, and watch something else... music videos, bad sitcoms or a movie, but every time i tried, i felt guilty, like watching something else, or nothing at all was some sort of transgression. there have been times in my life when big, terrifying events have had an effect on me. the explosion of the challenger. the 1989 earthquake. the oakland fires of 1991. the gulf war. the l.a. riots. but this is worse. much, much worse.

the shot of the plane hitting the second tower is morbidly fascinating to me. in one video, the plane seems to just vanish into the building, not even leaving a hole... that is, until things start exploding milliseconds later. it's amazing what slow motion can do. when i'm at my computer, away from my tv, i try saying to myself, 'there was a major terrorist attack on my country today. four planes were hijacked. two of them hit the world trade center, which then fell over. another crashed into the pentagon, and one crashed in pennsylvania. they have essentially shut down the entire country.' it's still hard to believe that it actually happened, even all these hours later. i have a feeleing that it will still be hard to believe years from now.

as the day went on, i was amazed at the announcements of how the whole country basically shut down. no airports. no opera, no theater, no symphony, no concerts, no hollywood. no sports, with all major league baseball games shut down, for the first time since world war two. even disneyland, a place that is known for being open every day of the year, shut down all their parks and stores here in the us. it's strange to say it, but when i heard that news, it kinda all sunk in. even 'the happiest place on earth' couldn't escape the terror after what happened.

i know things will never be the same after today. i'm glad they won't be, because to continue with life as we know it after an event of this magnitude would be callous and stupid. it's about time we really started to think about shit like this. we need to get rid of the 'it won't happen to me' attitude. hey, people, IT DID HAPPEN TO US. i wish with all my heart that it hadn't, but there isn't much to do about it now. all we can do now is keep the victims in our hearts and thoughts.

i'm angry at the people who did this. how anyone can find joy in death, and in killing, is beyond me. i really hope the kids in palestine who celebrated in the streets today grow up and feel very, very remorseful about that. i hope they break the cycle and teach their children not to hate. i hope our country does not turn around and begin killing innocent citizens somewhere in the world simply because they may be near to whoever did this to us. annihilating the person or persons responsible for this might make us feel better, but if we go and bomb a country to hell, we'll be on the same level as 'them'. we can't blame a community for the acts of individuals! those innocent people are just like us, normal people, living in their houses, trying to live a normal life. that's what everyone in the world is going to have to do tomorrow - try to live a normal life. damn, is that going to be hard.